The British Airways website stated that my cabin luggage can measure 56 by 45 by 25 centimeters. It did not say how heavy it could be. So I called up the nice customer service folks.
“Pray tell me, how heavy can my cabin luggage be?” asked I, a gentle smile playing on my face. The person at the other end of the phone may not have been able to see my smile, but surely he could hear it. (It was a smile to behold. It was as smile much like the one that plays across the face of an intrepid Space Ninja Pirate when he is faced with a horde of green skinned aliens bearing down upon him. Bearing down upon him, armed with razor blades and superfluous ellipses, and with bloody murder on their minds (Surprisingly, or maybe unsurprisingly, I have had nightmares of that. Really. Okay maybe not. But It would be cool if I had had.) The smile isn’t a rueful smile. It is a smile of quiet confidence. One that may play across the face of a Space Ninja Pirate when a horde of green skinned aliens is bearing down upon him and he realizes that as a Space Ninja Pirate, it behooves him to kick ass).
I smiled. Not because I planned on kicking ass but because I’m a pleasant chap.
“Pray tell me, how heavy can my cabin luggage be?” asked I. Not for the second time, because I fear that you, vapid reader, might have lost the thread after that minor digression.
“Fifty Six by Forty Five by Twenty centimeters” said the Oracle of the fleet.
“Thank you”, said I, Pleasant chap that I am. “Now how heavy can it be?”
“Hmmm. Let me check.” Said the wise Oracle. ”Whither flyest thou? And fromest wherest? Foul Varlet.”
The “Foul varlet” was uncalled for, but I let it slide. “To
“Forsooth, rejoice mortal, for thine trip hath no restrictions on the weight of thine cabin luggage.”
“Really?” That’s me doing my well known impression of an incredulous Space Ninja Pirate (Still facing the green skinned horde, still smiling, but now realizing that in addition to his Katana-cutlass, he has a load of tactical nuclear weapons. And a copy of Wren and Martin (To subdue the superfluous ellipsis).)
“Yep…Foul varlet.”
“So you mean to tell me that if I could take a hundred and fifty pounds of cabin luggage?”
“That is correct. As long as you do not need help to stow it in the overhead luggage compartment.”
“Ah. So if I could shoulder press a hundred and fifty pounds,”…I can’t…”I’m cool.”
“Yep…Foul varlet.”
“But if on the other hand I’m a nice ninety year old lady”…No, I do not have issues with my gender identity…”I’d be totally and utterly screwed?”
“Um, yeah I guess so.”
“Not keen on being brotherly and helping the old are we, here at British Airways, eh?”
“Yep…Foul varlet.”
“Excellent.”
1 comment:
Go away.
Post a Comment