A back! A back! My kingdom for a back.

I need to wear a suit and a tie at work. I do not mind that (I think I look spiffy in a suit. Leave me to my delusions.), because I have excellent taste in ties and I can sometimes tie a really nice Half-Windsor.

However, (You knew that however was coming) I do obsess about the length of the tie once it has been knotted. The tie needs to come down to my front belt buckle and not go past it by even a fraction of an inch. It should be neither too long, nor too short.

In an ideal world this would not be a problem. I would be able to perform this sartorial duty in no time and could be merrily on my way to work. Unfortunately, this is not an ideal world. The ties refuse to behave themselves. They are either too long or too short, or the knot is completely and utterly fucked up. (I will never figure out how a knot manages to look like a dead chicken). The knot is easily fixed. The length is not. I end up with a tie that goes half way to my knees or one which ends up around my third shirt button.

I could go on for pages and pages about this. But I won’t. Because I came in to work late after spending a half hour trying to get my bloody tie just right. And because yesterday, I sprained my entire left side at the gym.

(Um…Yes, a piece of advice. Attempting single arm chin-ups to impress the hot chick in the tiny shorts at the gym, is not exactly a sensible move. A man must endeavor to think with his brain and not with his genitalia.)

Now, after hearing my views about ties and suits and working out, the question on all your minds has to be, “Rajneesh are you a metrosexual?”(Maybe you do not actually have this question on your minds, but I think the following bit will work.). My answer to that is, “No. I’m not as much a metro sexual as much as I am a small-town-sexual or a village-sexual.”

(That bit sounded better in the silence of my head. Honest!)