Sometimes, just sometimes I shoot my mouth off without pausing to think. My brain’s going, “Fuck you Mouth. Wait for me dammit. I can help” And my mouth replies, “Screw that. I can do this.”
And sometimes I shoot my mouth off after pausing to think. My mouth says to my brain, “You think this is a good idea”, and my brain replies, “Hell yeah, go for it. I’d do it if I were you. Be a man Mouth.”
I think that what I did a few months ago, during a job interview was the latter.
I was in the car with two of the people who would be interviewing me over lunch. They were talking were talking about life insurance policies. Not something I am normally interested in, because death isn’t something I usually think about. (I DO THINK ABOUT DEATH). Mouth said to Brain, “Fuck this all, I’m bored. Let’s do something fun.” And Brain replied, “Go for it dude.” …and Mouth went “Watch me.”
So as they continued to talk, animatedly, about insurance and premiums, I looked out of the car window and said, with all the weariness I could put into my voice, “Boy, old people sure know how to have fun.”
Brain broke into stunned applause, and the Mouth basked in his finest moment.
And presenting the continuing adventures of Mouth and Brain, here are lines that Mouth has uttered, tongue planted firmly in cheek (Well…mostly), in a place where circumspection might have been warranted..
“I am a prince among men.”
“It is all a part of my boyish charm.”
“I am a delicate flower.”
“A life without Rajneesh isn’t worth living.”
“I assumed you possessed the intellect of a mildly retarded three year old. Clearly I was mistaken.”
“Wouldn’t you rather be a legal corpse than a felonious one?”
“I am a pathological liar. And a horrible, horrible person. That is true.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that I don’t trust you.”
“You are a moderately trustworthy person.”
“You are a strange, strange woman.”
“You are an obscenely tall person.”
“Everything belongs to me unless otherwise stated.”
“Have friendly dolphins refuel the plane.” (I’m particularly proud of this one”)
“We thought about doing the presentation in interpretive dance, but it just did not work.”
Yeah, so apparently Mouth and Brain are both drunk and high.
3 comments:
“I am a delicate flower.”??? Really? Which flower did you have in mind when you made this statement?
Hey M & B of R. Don't stay drunk, though it's nice to be on a high I guess.
Nice read (as usual) and funny.
Always a good read and all that and won't go overboard in reiterating this fact and your humour and blah blah blah.
Keep at it. You'll always have your legion of fans.
All the best.
Am outta here for good.
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