This week's issue of Time magazine has an article about the Freedom of the Seas, a cruise liner. The title of the article is, A Whale of a Boat. And so as you may imagine, the article is all about how large the boat is.
They compare it to the Statue of Liberty. (Twice as high!)
The Titanic. (Twice as wide! Nothing about sinkability, but twice as many life boats.)
A Large Chocolate Cake. (Twice as Tasty! And creamier)
Fine, I made that last one up, but it does not come close in sheer stupidity to the next comparison that the writer used. A comparison that was so breathtakingly idiotic that it, well took my breath away.
Are you ready for it?
He stated without the slightest trace of irony or sarcasm, “…the ship is heavier than 12500 Elephants.”
No one could have up with that comparison without being seriously high on some chemicals. Or being seriously idiotic.
Honestly, when did the elephant become a unit of weight? Even a pound is more logical than one metric Elephant. Do people go into stores and ask for one hundredth of an Elephant of potatoes? Or do you go on a diet to lose that one twenty fifth of an Elephant that you have around your waist?
And when was the Elephant standardized? Are all elephants now the same size? Where was the international conference on standardizing the Elephant held? Were there representatives from both the Asian and the African sub-species? Did they get along? Was there alcohol at the after-party? Did a temple elephant get drunk and disgrace itself by dancing on the table and waking up naked and sore the next morning…With a post-it note stuck to its trunk, saying, “You were fantastic. Call me xxx-xxx-0843.”
Will thin elephants be forced to eat a high calorie diet to pack on those um…not pounds…but sub-Elephants? Will overweight elephants have to go to aerobic classes? Jazzercise? TaiBo? Run on the treadmill? Get up at six in the morning to go running? Will teenage female elephants have to starve themselves to conform to the media’s portrayal of the ideal female elephant?
Who did frame Roger Rabbit? Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? What’s the good word? One small step for man, one large leap for mankind? Is there a Santa Claus in Viginia? Who the fuck is Alice? “Paint “your own pottery” studio” or “Paint your own “pottery studio””? How many chucks could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I before E except after C? Will these questions ever end? No? Yes? Maybe?
Will we have more inappropriate comparisons and/or units of measurement?
As long as Three Hundred Bottles of Wine? ( This amount varies depending on whether the bottles are full or empty.)
As bright as Sixteen Sixty Six Fireflies swinging the Salsa in Spring ? (Quantitative, poetic, and alliterative.)
As young as one fifteen millionth of Mount Everest? (Quantitative and poetic, but not alliterative.)
Will this post end abruptly?
They compare it to the Statue of Liberty. (Twice as high!)
The Titanic. (Twice as wide! Nothing about sinkability, but twice as many life boats.)
A Large Chocolate Cake. (Twice as Tasty! And creamier)
Fine, I made that last one up, but it does not come close in sheer stupidity to the next comparison that the writer used. A comparison that was so breathtakingly idiotic that it, well took my breath away.
Are you ready for it?
He stated without the slightest trace of irony or sarcasm, “…the ship is heavier than 12500 Elephants.”
No one could have up with that comparison without being seriously high on some chemicals. Or being seriously idiotic.
Honestly, when did the elephant become a unit of weight? Even a pound is more logical than one metric Elephant. Do people go into stores and ask for one hundredth of an Elephant of potatoes? Or do you go on a diet to lose that one twenty fifth of an Elephant that you have around your waist?
And when was the Elephant standardized? Are all elephants now the same size? Where was the international conference on standardizing the Elephant held? Were there representatives from both the Asian and the African sub-species? Did they get along? Was there alcohol at the after-party? Did a temple elephant get drunk and disgrace itself by dancing on the table and waking up naked and sore the next morning…With a post-it note stuck to its trunk, saying, “You were fantastic. Call me xxx-xxx-0843.”
Will thin elephants be forced to eat a high calorie diet to pack on those um…not pounds…but sub-Elephants? Will overweight elephants have to go to aerobic classes? Jazzercise? TaiBo? Run on the treadmill? Get up at six in the morning to go running? Will teenage female elephants have to starve themselves to conform to the media’s portrayal of the ideal female elephant?
Who did frame Roger Rabbit? Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? What’s the good word? One small step for man, one large leap for mankind? Is there a Santa Claus in Viginia? Who the fuck is Alice? “Paint “your own pottery” studio” or “Paint your own “pottery studio””? How many chucks could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I before E except after C? Will these questions ever end? No? Yes? Maybe?
Will we have more inappropriate comparisons and/or units of measurement?
As long as Three Hundred Bottles of Wine? ( This amount varies depending on whether the bottles are full or empty.)
As bright as Sixteen Sixty Six Fireflies swinging the Salsa in Spring ? (Quantitative, poetic, and alliterative.)
As young as one fifteen millionth of Mount Everest? (Quantitative and poetic, but not alliterative.)
Will this post end abruptly?
3 comments:
As abrupt as the sound of an alarm in a dream ??
tell me again, why did you decide to be an engineer and work in a technical line? Obviously, you are destined for something better.
a) Um.
b) Um.
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