Repetition is easy

…"We want PCs to be objects of pure desire."…Microsoft’s Vista Industrial Design Toolkit.

The irony in Microsoft (We make butt ugly interfaces and we like it) giving design tips to PC makers makes my cup run over. Add to it the creepiness in calling a PC an object of pure desire. (Visions of people the world over humping their keyboards…with the Windows shutdown music playing in the background. Geekporn!

Um…those PC’s are probably objects of impure desire.)

I now know why I have cable. The SciFi Channel is playing a really bad movie. It involves, in no particular order:

• An isolated underwater sea laboratory. (All important experiments happen underwater in the sea. One of the laws of Physics. Right up there with the Law of Gravity and the Law of Being Too Tired To Sleep)
• An eleventh century sword
• A cute puppy
• A helicopter
• An unsanctioned cloning experiment involving large and quite possibly carnivorous beasties.
• An immoral scientist…with a badly put on German accent. (He has an accent, naturally he is bad. It is logical. If he were a good scientist, he would belong to a minority or would have a deep voice and no accent. The accent damned him.).
• Shotguns (Phallic symbols)
• Hot semi-naked women (Necessary accessories for phallic symbols)
• A rampaging dragon. With flame generating organs/apparatus.
• Nice guy with hidden past in the wrong place at the wrong time.
• Disposable lab technicians.
  

(The pilot for The Amazing Screw-On Head comes on right after this movie and is fucking amazing. Watch it! )

Take those ingredients, toss them together, and add a touch of bad special effects, a pinch of bad production values, garnish with bad acting, add bad direction to taste, simmer over a low budget and voila, you have your average B movie…or a sequel to The DaVinci Crap.

What I’d like to see is a movie that dares to challenge the stereotypes.

• A bustling underwater sea laboratory, one where proper safety procedures are followed and Caution is a buzzword.
• An eleventh century spoon.
• An insane, blood crazed puppy. One who lurks beneath the desks and savagely mauls the hands of those who try to pet him.
• A helicopter. The minimum requirements for flying which are more than looking good in a tight t-shirt or short skirt.
• A sanctioned cloning experiment that goes completely right. Nothing goes wrong. The cells of the extinct beast that have been cloned do not rise up and resemble the creature from the Deepest Recesses of Hell. Or if they do rise up, they politely ask for a cup of tea and then politely discuss international politics.
• A moral scientist with a German accent. One who wrestles daily with the moral ramifications of his work and does not look upon other humans as expendable research material.
• No guns. Or bombs. Or stuff that goes boom. No sharp objects. No pistols with unlimited ammunition. No ostentatious reloading and flexing while firing.
• More hot semi-naked women. (Just to annoy certain people)
• A somewhat embarrassed dragon. Who wears glasses, says “Eh?” a lot and can’t hold his drink.
• Nice guy. No hidden past. No secret time in the Army as a commando. No freakish proficiency with weapons. No disconcerting familiarity with explosives. No ability to hack into computer networks using Notepad’s secret “Hack into super-secure network” menu option (Shortcut key: ctrl-alt-shift-num lock-0-delete)
• Lab technicians, appreciated for who they are. Ones that matter as individuals and who have families that love them and care for them.
  

So, yeah, PCs are going to be butt-uglier.